Both presidential candidates are in dire need of new campaign slogans.
Mitt Romney’s is “Believe in America”. Well, I believe in God, not America, but I can imagine someone believing in America without necessarily believing in Mitt Romney.
And Obama’s? “Forward”? Forward into what, exactly? And isn’t it true that when you get stuck sometimes you have to back up?
If you ask me both slogans fall flat.
And so I am, in an attempt to be helpful, offering free advice to both candidates. I am really the perfect person to offer advice. After all, I am politically homeless, and cannot in conscience vote for either candidate. Not having a dog in this fight, I therefore am capable of being perfectly objective.
I will begin with the President.
OBAMA: HEY, IT’S HARDER THAN IT LOOKED.
OBAMA: HIPPER THAN MITT.
OBAMA: DO YOU REALLY THINK FOUR YEARS OF McCAIN WOULD HAVE BEEN ANY BETTER?
OBAMA: HEY, HE’S NOT ROMNEY
OBAMA: I’LL TRY HARDER. REALLY.
OBAMA: I’M JUST GETTING STARTED!
OBAMA: HE KILLED OSAMA!
OBAMA: NOT AS RICH AS ROMNEY.
OBAMA: JUST BECAUSE.
OBAMA: CONSIDER THE ALTERNATIVE
And now for Mr Romney.
ROMNEY: THE BEST WE COULD DO.
ROMNEY: NOT OBAMA.
ROMNEY: REAL RICH. REAL WHITE. REAL ROMNEY.
ROMNEY: NOT IN IT FOR THE MONEY.
ROMNEY: JUST A REGULAR GUY. NO, REALLY.
ROMNEY: YOU HAVE TO ADMIT, HE LOOKS LIKE A PRESIDENT.
ROMNEY: BECAUSE WEALTH AND POWER GO TOGETHER.
ROMNEY: SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO, VOTE FOR OBAMA?
ROMNEY: JUST ACCEPT REALITY.
ROMNEY: CONSIDER THE ALTERNATIVE.