Archive for March 17th, 2012


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I have been, from time to time, posting satirical political news stories on this site. They begin, in good satirical fashion, with something the candidate really said or did, or that sounds like something the candidate would really do or say. Then, slyly, they morph into absurdity. I really thought that when I wrote that Mitt Romney said “Capitalism has winners and losers, and in November enough of you losers will vote for me…”  or that an Obama campaign spokesman said that the 2012 reelection campaign song was “We Won’t Get Fooled Again, Again” that it was obviously satire. But alas, things being as absurd as they are, it is really hard to do satire and not be taken seriously: time after time readers take these posts at face value. So in the interest of avoiding further confusion, let me clarify :  Any political “news” story on this site is pure satire. It is not real.

In the unlikely event that I do run a serious, straight up political news story I will post something like this: Reality Alert: This is not satire. I did not make this up.

Got it?

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March 17 (BULL GAP, Pa)  At a campaign stop in this coal mining town, Senator Rick Santorum addressed a crowd at the Bull House restaurant. “My grandfather was a coal miner”, Mr Santorum said, “And I stand with working class Americans. In my administration we will bring back American jobs for American workers!”

In the question and answer period that followed, Danny McCracken, 38, who is unemployed, asked “But Senator Santorum, you say you will restore American jobs, but your policies are the same ones that got us in this mess, aren’t they?”

Mr Santorum blinked, then swallowed, then blinked again. “My grandfather was a coal miner”, he said, “And I wear a sweater vest.”

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The Barack Obama reelection campaign announced its 2012 campaign song today. “It is a reworking of the Who classic”, said campaign spokesman Kip Kingsley, “It’s called ‘We Won’t Get Fooled Again, Again.” Mr Kingsley continued: “We acknowledge that a lot of people were hoping for more change in the President’s first term. It just took a while for him to get his bearings. He is still the candidate of hope and change and this time we mean it. No, really.”

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