I realize I haven’t written anything here for a month. Things have resumed a semblance of normalcy, if “normalcy” means six day work weeks and shuffling four different children between four different Little League teams. Today is the first day I have had off work, except Sundays, since the two days I took off in Holy Week, which were spent frantically running around, trying to get ready for Pascha.
We are back in our house, and facing several decisions: whether to repair the house or pay off the mortgage (we owe very little) and try and sell it as is, or several variations on this basic decision. We are not wise in the ways of the world, and are praying that we do not do anything foolish.
Several years ago I experienced a sudden collapse in health. For about a year I was in bad shape, though I have recovered. What I never recovered was the simple assumption that I could take my health for granted. I am always looking over my shoulder. In a like manner, when one moment your biggest concern is what to eat for Sunday dinner and the next moment you don’t know where your family is going to live or how you will shelter them it is hard to return to a sense of well-being. It is difficult to shake the feeling that Something Bad is going to happen at any moment. We were well aware during our ordeal that all around us and around the world people were going through much worse things. We kept reminding ourselves of this truth, and of the many good things that were happening in the midst of it all: the kindness and generosity of our friends, our church, our family, and even of strangers did much to alieve our distress. That said, it was still traumatic and I am only now beginning to feel less anxious. The first few baseball games I could not relax enough to enjoy. Thankfully, I am past that.
But really, feeling like you have no security in this life is not a bad thing, for indeed we do not. We are wayfarers here, and should not feel too at home.
Now if I can only get being at peace about it down…